being relentless can have its downfalls [12 Jun 2006|07:28pm] Times are changing. definately for the better.. I started work, started school, and am steadily getting into a better rountine. I feel more accomplished. On the down side friends have become affected and feelings have been hurt. I love my two best friends to death. They are my family. Karma has found its way back to me in an indescribible way. S.F. come on. lets take one for the team and let fate take its course already. Awkward things have happend in recent days. Too much to go into. Im living life. "theres always time on my mind to pass me by" -a beautiful storyteller post comment

[18 Apr 2006|01:18am] eep. Im watching saving private ryan. leah just text me a picture of her boob. sick creep nasty. i am tired. i have work in the morning.. but i cant get to sleep. Thinking of all the stupid things that have happened this weekend.. but at the same time i dont care. I had sooo much fun. I wouldnt change anything. now i just have to figure out how to deal with peoples feelings, im so bad at that. Im pretty selfish at times. But seriously who isnt? Work.work.work. gotta get the funds for sb. what a decision. what a decision... <3 post comment

dear diary. [28 Mar 2006|02:40pm] im waiting on rachypoo. she needs to hurrayy up. I want ice cream.. i always do when its cold. I got flaked on. Not trippin though. I have a job again thank god. Im debating doing something. but we'll see how that goes. I am being very secretive lately. I like it. I also would like something else. But thats beside the point. bye. post comment

los angeles [15 Mar 2006|02:16am] best times. The most beautiful house overlooking all of the city from the hills. The most interesting boys you could imagine. Singing, drinking, spoons, tea, art shows, art schools, hollywood, old friends, elisa, drums,coffee, guitars. Singing kelly clarkson on the way home deliriously. I had the time of my life. Its nice to be reminded how beautiul people are. post comment

okay. [08 Mar 2006|03:39pm] I am okay at the moment. Soon enough.. after my laziness has worn of I will go upstairs and dye my hair. Then hopefully go to kats to watch the project runway finally. I am so enthused about lots of things lately. Im going to work at the place Ive wanted to work for a long time. Im going to start school this summer. I am going to spend time with one of my best friends in los angeles this weekend. Kaydees brother is having an art show. It will be awesome. I know this. Im excited but scared at the same time. Like.. I have nothing in stockton that makes me want to stay here.Andrea is leaving to utah. Tiff is going to oxnard. and leah.. well shes off. We see each other breifly and its good but in ways its bad. we talked about all these things and hopefully I will be able to come to grips with things once it happens. I need to just let things get in order. "Soulmates never die" -Placebo Itunes party mixes are thee best. Boys seriouly suck. At times life seems like it would be easier if I just wasnt attracted to anyone or anything for that matter. Frick. City of Angels... Im on my way back. post comment

[24 Feb 2006|01:41pm] last night tiffany took me on a date to sushi. hecka good. Im at leahs. waiting for my mom.. we're going on a lunch date. Everyone is gone. No katie. No shane. To leah. No tiff. no bo. no kathy. Its too quiet. so. Im pretty much done updating. post comment

[06 Feb 2006|11:25pm] this weekend was fun. I feel incompetent and stupid and rude. But nontheless I meant nothing I did or said to anyone and I apologize yet again. I love my friends .. all of them and they should know it. I hope lee had a good birthday. Im so glad I have a best friend who lets me tell her everything and lets me be completely honest with her without being defensive. Thats love. Tattoos when I get home. I miss my lovey. Tiffyboo is coming this weekend and I am sooooo excited. WORK. SCHOOL. WORK. SCHOOL. blahblahblah. post comment

today. [30 Jan 2006|11:12pm] i hecka love my life. <3 and I hecka love my best friend more. Cheer up cupcake. post comment

[28 Jan 2006|11:27pm] Tonight has been what I thought it would be. Me sitting around doing nothing. I like it though. I ordered sushi from this really cute sushi bistro.. kind of like coco ro and tara and I picked it up and then sat around ate sushi and watched shrek. Good times. I feel so bad at times, Im always locked up in my room because thats enjoyable for me and I feel like she thinks I just dont want to be around her or something. Is not that at all. I just love my room. My space. not that type of myspace. ha. I am going to go shopping for leahs gift tomorrow. Im stoked. I love shopping for other people. I want to go to some of the thrift stores first then to the mall.. then to sushi. haha. This will be my first time doing sushi alone, but I think I might actually enjoy it. We'll see. Im still in pjs, I took a shower then put them back on and never changed into normal clothes. Dane cook is on snl. I bet rach would like that Im done. I wish I could watch the ballad of jack and rose. I really want too. post comment

so. [26 Jan 2006|11:39pm] At this moment in time I feel completely alone. Isolated. Neglected. But you get used to it. Sometimes I just expect too much from everyone. If I stoped that I wouldnt be let down so much. I just love when people keep their word. Im supposed to go back to stockton next weekend but Im contemplating it, I have this gut feeling that Ill go and waste my money because I wont get to spend time with the person I am coming for. Im just tired thats all. Im just sick to death. Im beat. Ive been up too much. Ive been accomplishing too many of my goals. I really need to work more on my human relationships. My honesty. It is so vital right now that I start to do MY part in friendships, family, with just people in general. Right now Im content. Dont think im bipolar. Im just content in my loneliness. You honetly learn ways to deal with it. Sometimes I wonder about passing away and who would really care. Who wouldnt be able to focus on anything but my death. Who would just continue living. Who would have regrets. Have none. Live with none. Do what you want to do. NO BARS HELD. do what you want already. shit. fuck. ah. 1 comment|post comment

[25 Jan 2006|10:33pm] i have a two hour assignment to do right now. Im lazy. Ill update later. just didnt want you all to think I forgot about this baby. laterz. post comment

new years eve.. [09 Jan 2006|07:22pm] was eventful to say the least.. post comment

[08 Jan 2006|10:13pm] [ mood | creative ] I have not updated in what seems like forever. Lee and Andrea came to visit me. I honestly had some of the best times of my life. Being around people you can be completely comfortable with. People that don just say they love you, but act on it. Gay clubbing, Jimmy Kimmel show, Shopping, almost getting shot in 7 eleven, hearing one of the people you love the most tell you that they just want to be with you for a night, movies, thrifting, swingers, walking on the beach, transvestites hitting brushes against car windows, hollywood blvd, getting lost on the metro, chris rock stand up videos, and to top it all off.. throwing up in shopping bags. Honestly. Love. Them. More. Than. Anywone. Other than my visitors.. Im poor. I used over 180 dollars in 5 days. I have an interview at Sam Goody though on tuesday so hopefully that goes well. I dont have my kit for school, so I hope my day still goes well. I want to get out more. I want to live life to the fullest. I think Ill start tomorrow. I, I, I... so much talk about myself. post comment

whoody whoo? [13 Dec 2005|05:18pm] Okay, so my class is over for three weeks. Im so excited to start working, and for character. That class will be fun. I come home tomorrow. Sooooo excited. I miss so many people its ridiculous. Im going to be miss social butterfly when I get into town. I want cocoro sooo bad. Ill make lee go with me. and tara and biz because they love sushi too. and john and cedric because, well i usually just force them to come with me. Things are going to be so different. I can tell.. not with everyone but with a specific person. Its amazing how you can think youre so close with someone.. save their life. do so much for them and care for them with all your might.. but they still let you go, because its the easy thing to do. Thats life. I guess its what its all about. You have to grab onto the people and things you love or they will forget you, and dismiss you to make sense of your neglegence. I think of shows. and friends. and singing. dancing. britney spears. Dance hall crashers. Spiked belts. and loving each other unconditionally. I am so glad, so proud that through everything I know I can depend on my old friends. I say old, not in the sense that they arent my friends anymore. But in the sense that they were there when we were young. It so interesting to think of all that has changed. How mature we have become without losing our childish hearts. I love so much lately. I looked at some pictures from a coupleof years back and realized how much I loved those times. I can honestly say that I have had amazing, beautiful, strong friends. And whether or not they know it, I love them and think of them highly still. I just have a nack for admiration. I love to admire peoples lives, personalities, and overall qualities. Home Home Home. I can feel the hugs already. <3 2 comments|post comment

good times [04 Dec 2005|11:18pm] recap. friday. funniest night ever. Salsa, coors, carneasada, rain, devon sawa. saturday. Shopping, elephant bar, elisa stayed the night, movies, and homeade cookies. sunday. Running on the santa monica beach, lunch at Swingers, elliott smith in the jukebox, movie premier, seeing sting, elmo, and any other person/thing you can think of. Gellato, cute boys.. home. Best weekend Ive had down here yet. I am really starting to love my new home. Im starting to leave things behind and its good. Viva. Love. Hope all of your weekends were just as amazing. post comment

[01 Dec 2005|09:18pm] when you least expect it the person you think means so much to you will treat you like dirt. I honestly am raging inside right now. I want to yell. Ive always been hard to deal with, but Ive always been loyal. True. Honest. Im sick of being lied to. Sick of being used when theres no one else. Sick off coming second. Forget you. All of you. I was there for you when I was in town and tried to be there while I was here. But only one thing. I ask one thing and this is what I get. Im so sick to death of being dependent. post comment

[30 Nov 2005|10:19pm] Today was draining. Everyone in class is menstrual. Tonight was different. I feel accomplished. Sara and I chilled at her place then went to some mexican resturaunt. It was alright food, but great laughs. Apparently we'll never go on a date. heh. Only she would get that.. I found twenty bucks in my pants today. That was awesome. I just brought them home from this weekend and I didnt expect it. Karma karma karma I want to read tomorrow. I havent in a while. Im not sure what Im doing then because I never watch tv. Maybe Ill finally finish the last few chapters of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I have toothpaste on my forehead because I got pretty intense pimple because of all this makeup we apply in class... Dont act like youve never done it. Im tired. Poor. And a bit lonely. Just for the moment though.. no worries. <3 post comment

hummmm. [29 Nov 2005|12:22am] Its late. Im tired. My mom called me and of course it turned into an hour and a half conversation. Oh well. I love her reguardless of her tendency to talk a bit much. Lee called me. I like saying lee. Its like my own thing. hint. friggin. hint. Fridddayyy that woman is coming! she gets to meet sara and the other sarah..and britney and eveyone else. Im so excited. I get lonely and sometimes just need my bf around. I got food poisioning and didnt go to school today.. or i did but it was only for like an hour, to get a phone charger down the street and to meet up with sara. SALT AND PEPA. gotta love it. Ive been cranky lately. Forgive any sense of cruelty or attitude in this entry. actually, dont. Its all true. and i could care less what you think of it. hm. bipolar moment eh? Time for sleep and ipods. Elliott tends to do the trick. xo. post comment

[26 Nov 2005|12:39pm] good food. good friends. good times. I like stockton a lot more when I come to visit. <3 2 comments|post comment

so quick.. [22 Nov 2005|06:16pm] [ mood | pleased ] So Im avoiding packing. Im going home! I am the biggest wuss ever.. I just left two weeks ago and Im already excited to get back home. I just want to see my momma and leelee. I miss them the most. And of course my dad but I mean, he was with me and helped me get settled and I talk to him three billion times a day. But then again I talk to all of them like that.. I love thanksgiving. Holiday for the fatties. (holler) Im making enchiladas. Im so hungry. Ben and Jerrys has been a good friend lately. So thanks ben.. and jerry? Rachie poo is in town this weekend too. I cant wait to finally see her.. It feels like its been forever. New note: I love school and the friends Ive made thus far. Sara is amazing. Shes hilarious and likes good music and has good advice on things she probably shouldnt know. And all the other girls in my class are great too. I dont hang out with them much but they are still really sweet. Its good to see people who have the same passion as me. I want to eat turkey. and hug my best friend. and sing eminem with andrea. and see audrey even though she has a different feeling about that. Next week Sara and I are getting tattoos. They are quite addicting. "Viva Love." I cant wait. Its like the motto of my friggin life. And I also want my xo fixed, but we'll see how much that'll be. I dont really want to pay to get something fixed. I should get it free. psh. Have I mentioned.. IM COMING HOME:) Im sure Ill be back. post comment

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